Ah Heck!

Drawing of Kurt the week he died -second year at university living in a shitty boxroom - I drew this on wallpaper ,

My playlist made up of my memories of Nirvana as it happened-(a few tunes missing as they were deleted but I doubt it will ruin things too much -does go on a bit lol)-posted this on Rumble blog -but that's done with now- Kurts like my generations Buddy Holly -I'm lucky John Peel got me into Mudhoney and all that Sub Pop stuff as I knew how great this band were prior to Neverminds release - very exiting when it was happening it was like the old guard was been dismantled in front of my eyes-for that I am thankful-really inspiring -Wish he didn't pick up that stupid habit -there - is always a snake in eden - a few beers (not too many) and spliffs good enough-why it  isn't for some people I'll never know  or complete sobriety anything stronger  well it ruins lives -it broke my heart for sure ended something that could of gone so much further-but that said -I love what the younger generations are doing now ,  there are still punk kids out there with valid music-you may have to go out of your way to look for it in this sponsership world but it's there and bloody great - It wasn't in vain -but in 1994 it seemed to come to a  to an almighty halt and cast a dark shadow for a long  long time but the shadow has lifted and Kurts influence is eveywhere.
I'm aware of this "Montage of Heck" (strange title ) is out there -I've yet to see it -theres a version on youtube -seems sludgy and at wrong speed so won't bother with that-best wait for it to come out on DVD (had same attitude about True Testimonial-but that never came out properly-but I doubt this will be the case here )so here's a few clips- starting with vid for Serve the Servants- possibly the most autobiographical song Kurt penned "Bored and Old " at 27? ...you're a kid ffs , wish I saw it that way at the time when I hit 27 too but my hair was jumping off my scalp  shit like that aint meant to happen to me in my 20's so for a long time resented everything too ,but that was about insecurity -rather than been hooked on a killer drug -in the end problems no matter small or big are usually a product of the mind - solutions well they're simpler than you may think -it's a mattter of perspective and outlook .I'd like to think I'm still a kid I as figured growing ups a falsehood it's kidding yourself to fit in -it's a cop out- I think of Kurt as a  bit of a innocent, with an amazing gift it's no wonder that final record is called In Utero..       If he could believe in himself  and his  abilities it defeats the facile everytime - it's all  bollocks yet the media pressure in Kurts case must of been so great that makes you want to disappear - I'm anti fame because of what happened to Kurt -I look at fame as part of a big machine that helps commerce and big brother widen it's eyes -I prefer the idea of creating  the art you wanted to make in the first place  and to  leave that behind as a legacy - and not get hounded for it -thats why in this day and age of  self promotion and social networking confuses the hell out of me,theres  no point competing -just need to get on with own thing  as it's an extension of yourself which may outlive you if it's good enough . It saddens me that there is so little of Kurts music as life was so short - but  it's the quality rather than quanitity I guess in this case... it's heartbreaking like I say -he was one of us... I'll post a few clips from " Montage of Heck".. Surely Kurts mums as old as mine .. but she looks great- that said she may of had him young. That's who you leave behind if you join the "Stupid Club"  the person who bought you into the world -always think of your Mum I say no substance no matter how powerful can ever replace their love (in most cases anyhow.) so it's a mugs game -met junkies they're like holes, selfish  to the core -never wanna be like that have a friend who quit the junk bought up family had a near enough normal life and carrer but then came a huge alcohol addiction and it wrecked everything -like I say death drugs they can get you even years after -horrible but true.Elvis Cooper lol :) .. they gotta a good one in the end -mind you there wasa sixties english psychedelic band with same monicker. I'm not sure why they need to these trailers twice maybe they want more hits as its double the  length- But I will give this a look when its out on DVD feel like I grew up with Nirvana used to cover School and D7 (The Wipers song they did on Peel ) as well as Teen Spirit in rehearshals(guitarist used to try and teach me the triad chords.. never got far with guitar lol ) when Nevermind came out -it really energised by what was happening - naturally I miss those days and young Kurt,